The Patron Saint of Referees

December 13th is the feast day of Saint Lucy, patron saint of the blind and those with eye troubles. So we at the American Indoor Tailgating Association of America (AITAA) would like to take a moment to remember those most in need of divine optical intervention: Referees.

As any Living Room Legend can tell you (usually at high volume), the ability to see clearly is fundamental to football officiating. Yet week after week, from the comfort of our perfectly positioned recliners, we witness scads of highly-trained officials, 7 at a time, simultaneously experiencing temporary blindness at crucial moments. It's enough to make Saint Lucy file for overtime.

From my climate-controlled Command Center, I've documented no fewer than seven "missed" calls that my 97-year-old grandmother could have seen from her cataract surgery recovery bed. These are the same officials who can spot a blade of grass touching a punt returner's pinky toe but somehow miss a defensive end putting a quarterback in a full nelson.

But let's be charitable, fellow Indoor Tailgaters. Just as Saint Lucy's intercession helps those with eye problems, perhaps we should pray for our striped-shirt friends. After all, they're out there in the elements, while we're enjoying crystal-clear 4K resolution and the luxury of rewinding plays seventeen times to confirm our righteous indignation.

• To honor Saint Lucy's feast day, AITAA recommends a pause before each replay to invoke Saint Lucy's blessing.

As we enjoy the games this week, let's remember that we're all occasionally blind to something – except, of course, when it comes to that obvious pass interference that just happened. That was clear as day.

Note: If you happen to be reading this, football officials (assuming you can see the text), AITAA is offering free vision screenings every Sunday from September through February. You’re welcome.

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P.S. - If any officials are offended by this post, we sincerely apologize... but you probably didn't see it anyway.